AHHH! Datingish!

Catching me in my own hypocrisy, I see! :P Just posted a long comment to a Datingish post regarding being single and if anyone follows me back to my own Xanga, they're gonna see a completely different picture, haha. Ahhh, maybe I should just acknowledge (and put a disclaimer SOMEWHERE...) that this Xanga has become a place to vent and that my posts are becoming more sporadic because I have little, if anything, to complain about.

XANGANS! BEWARE!

:)

I Dreamed a Dream

"Still I dream he comes to me,
and we would live the years together.
But there are dreams that cannot be...
And there are storms we cannot weather.
I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living.
So different now from what it seemed....
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."

:'(

Currently talking to Hunter about our "history," haha. It would be so simple if I could just feel the same way about him that he does about me. SO simple. I'm going to further consider it.... I feel like I owe him that. That, and I still feel like I could. Hopefully this won't turn into another "Joe" situation, though. OH! most importantly. Damnit, I need to lose some weight. It's embarrassing to even have to SAY that, but it's so true. I've let myself go, and I'm really ashamed of it. I was wishing tonight, with my sister home, that I could just make it all disappear so that she wouldn't have to see me like this... ah well. I'll get rid of it. BLAH!

Someone posted this as a comment on a recent Datingish article: "If some people use the term "technical virgin" to be more accurate without being too graphic about how experienced they are, that's one thing. But to be "half" a virgin is just ridiculous."

Bahaha, I'm one big technicality, then!

In other news (other than me thinking that was funny), I saw New Moon tonight. I must say, the love triangle between Jacob, Bella and Edward hit a liiiittle too close to him. Bella told Jacob, at one point (good thing no one reads this... yay spoilers!), "don't make me choose--it'll be him"... it was almost as if I could hear myself saying nearly the same thing to Hunter X_X And watching one guy comfort her and the other guy leave her.... ugh. Lemme tell ya. It was poignant.

I'm gonna go back to my drawing and watch a really happy movie (haha! to balance things out...), but before I do... I'm just gonna say that I hope I get a visit again sometime soon. I'm really missing this past summer more than I anticipated.

Currently In a Perfect World... By Keri Hilson Knock You Down see related

"Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection"

How many times will I type those same lyrics out, while they play over and over in my head? I've just put "Knock You Down" on, which is a bit appropriate in its own right--but at least it's a little more cheerful ;P

I feel like my love life thus far hasn't been totally devoid of interesting occurrences and meaningful experiences--even though I'm on my own right now--I don't think loneliness or the state of being (currently) alone is a sign of failure. My loneliness certainly doesn't erase the events and actions of the past. Even the rougher patches have their fond memories; even the ones that should have never, ever happened. Not even for the all of the experience in the world: there are certain things that should never happen to people. But I get ahead of myself--those aren't important anymore.

The important thing is that I'm here, I have tales to tell, I have artwork to produce, and my storybook is far from being filled. Didn't you know? I illustrate it myself.

[EDIT] p.s.--I still have love for you, though it was quickly founded and though you're nowhere near this site or these words. You have no idea how sympathetic I am for you and how much I admire your strength and your love. I pray that it survives.